When Your Mom Is in Heaven on Mother's Day

My mom passed away in 2009.  My first Mother's Day without her was extremely painful.  As the days crept up to Mother's Day that year, I anticipated it with great fear. 

I would ask myself what can I do to get away from it all?  I decided that my kids and I would have a beach day. 

I wanted to escape anything and everything that reminded me of the fact that I didn't have a Mother to celebrate that year.  I didn't want to attend church that Sunday.  I didn't want to be in a restaurant, I didn't even want to be around other moms...

Frank and I and the kids got up that morning, packed a lunch and made the drive to one of our favorite beaches.


We sat there quietly while the kids played in the sand and water. 







I cried.
I missed her so much it hurt.

I looked out at the ocean in all of it's grandness and knew that there was a God that must have created all of this.  In my head I knew that she was in heaven... my heart just didn't want to accept it.

 

Going to the beach was a huge distraction and I continued to do it for several Mothers Day's to follow.

I remember feeling judged because I chose not to spend those Sundays in church.  The comments hurt my feelings but it was okay because they didn't understand my pain.  They hadn't lost a parent and couldn't relate to what I was feeling.



I was all about self-care during those holidays.  Their opinion of me didn't matter.  I knew that escaping to the ocean was the only way I could cope with everyone around me celebrating their mother and I continued to do so for several years.



About 5 years after my mom's passing I woke up one Mother's Day and told my husband I wanted us to go to church together as a family.  I had been going to church all along I would only miss Mother's Day,  but this Mother's Day I was ready to face all of the happy moms.

What I want to say to all of my friends who are celebrating Mother's Day this year without their mom is this:

• I wish you love
• I wish you joy
• I pray that you take care of YOU and give yourself permission to make this day all about you
• Do what you love
• Think about your mom and rejoice in the beautiful memories that you have

• Tell stories about her and keep her memory alive
• And if it's just too painful to face the holiday then escape and head to your favorite place

The first Mother's Day without my mom was definitely the hardest.  It hasn't gotten easier.  I still cry, I still miss her, I still feel cheated, but I've learned to celebrate life as I know it today.  It's my new normal.

This Sunday I'm spending Mother's Day singing my little heart out at church.  I'm singing at all 5 services.  If you're in my neck of the woods come sit with me.

I'm going to reminisce and think of all of the beautiful memories I have of my mom.  I'm going to choose to be thankful for the 35 years I had her in my life.

I love you mom.

I wish you were here.

I hope you're celebrating big in heaven.

 

 

 

Delilah